Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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