Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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