your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
