More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
