good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
