I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
