Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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