I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
