you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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