she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
