well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
