At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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