i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
