He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
