She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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