atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
