Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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