There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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