Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
