Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
