I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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