I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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