Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
