Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
