I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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