i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
