I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
