Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
