Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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