I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
