I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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