I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
