These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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