There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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