I think i peed on brittanys purse
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it because I queefed?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
