Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
