what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
