That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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