i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
