Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This toilet bowl is my home.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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