Can i not drive my cunt home
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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