apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
