I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
