Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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