He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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