Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
