You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
