Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
