HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
