woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
