did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
