Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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