rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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