You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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