I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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