You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my shit smells like andre
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
